I have never missed St. John's more then I did tonight. I was so down and my friends were telling me all the things that were true but what I didn't want to hear... I miss the city. I miss the people. I miss the security. I never felt more homesick in my life... I miss internet that fucking works!..god damn it...the arctic is so fucking cold and It makes no sense to me why I have to run full force away from the things I want in order to get them. I like my job and I'm too stubborn to leave and I'm determined to make this a good time. I hope it gets better then this...not to sure it will though. You make your own fun here.. I'm not too much of a fan of drinking here. It's too depressing and I can see how it takes over the lives of the people in this town. there is too much time to think . I THINK that's the problem. Too much time inside your own head, evaluating your life over and over. I need to occupy myself with positive things. POSITIVE. nobody is positive. It's like it's sucked out of them. they just pass time, or, they are in decision mode..where am I going ....they all waste time here for a better brighter future...It's a fucked up purgatory. the arctic is no ones home, even the people who call it home seem to be lost. I miss a city that is welcoming. I miss a city that is safe and I have NEVER missed St. John's more then I did tonight.
I'm sorry, I'm just a little sad tonight...I'll be better tomorrow..